Families facing hospice care are often handling far more than grief. There may be an attorney discussing an estate, insurance paperwork on the kitchen table, questions about a mortgage, an investment account that needs attention, or even court documents connected to a loved one’s affairs. Yet those practical concerns can suddenly feel distant when someone near death begins calling for a parent Shah says the word he frequently hears described is “Mum”—or, in American usage, “Mom.” He suggests that deeply rooted memories of safety and early attachment may help explain why a dying person reaches back toward the mother who cared for them, although that explanation should be viewed as his interpretation rather than a proven neurological rule. Research by Kerr and colleagues supports the broader observation that deceased loved ones commonly appear in end-of-life dreams and visions and that such experiences often become more comforting as death nears. Shah’s advice is equally simple: when someone calls for a deceased mother or reaches toward an unseen loved one, correcting them may not be the most comforting response.
Instead, Shah encourages relatives to remain present and respond gently, allowing the person to experience whatever reassurance the moment may be providing. That approach is consistent with research suggesting end-of-life dreams and visions can carry profound emotional meaning rather than merely being dismissed as confusion. Nobody can know exactly what another person is experiencing in those final hours, and not every patient will have such dreams, visions, or conversations. Still, for families who witness a parent, spouse, or grandparent suddenly calling for their own mother after decades apart, knowing that similar experiences have been documented may offer some comfort. Sometimes the last thing a family member needs to do is explain or correct. Simply staying beside them, listening, and offering reassurance may be enough.